things that will always sound sarcastic
- good for you
- thanks a lot
- yeah right
- nice to know
- way to go
- ok buddy
But what if you love being awake during nighttime AND daytime????
isn’t it weird to think that most people you know had sex? that cute old lady sitting next to you on the bus? prob choked on a dick at one point in her life
Somewhere, out there in the big, wide world, someone has accidentally poured the milk before the cereal.
anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “not to you”
Dear Future Daughter:
1) When you’re at some party, chain smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair and exorbitant large dark eyes, ask her about her day. I promise you, you won’t regret it. Often times you’ll find the strangest of people have the most captivating of stories to tell.
2) Please, never mistake desire for love. Love will engulf your soul, whilst desire will emerge as acid, slowly making it’s way through your veins, gradually burning you from the inside out.
3) No one is going to fucking save you, anything you’ve read or heard otherwise is bullshit.
4) One day a boy is going to come along who’s touch feels like fire and who’s words taste like vanilla, when he leaves you, you will want to die. If you know anything at all, know that it is only temporary.
5) Your mental health comes before school baby, always. If its midnight, and you have an exam the next day but your hands have been shaking for the past hour and a half and you’re not so sure you want to be alive anymore, pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry’s and afterwards, go the fuck to bed. So what if you get a 68% on the exam the next day? You took care of yourself and at the end of the day that will always come before a high test score. To hell with anyone who tells you differently."