i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it
(via jurassicaaparkk)
If I was a guy for a day,
I would:
- Masturbate.
- Hug a girl to see if it’s true that they can feel their boobs.
- Walk around the house naked.
- Pee behind a building.
- Ask someone to kick me in the balls to see how painful some boys say it hurts.
- Yell at girls at the mall saying, “CAN I HOLLA FOR A DOLLA?”
- Stare at my penis.
- Get a blowjob.
you seem to think that getting a blowjob is easy
it is not
(Source: emikattt, via jurassicaaparkk)
when guys talk about how gross periods are i just laugh because guys have a floppy piece of flesh that gets hard and that’s pretty fuckin weird, bucko
(via jurassicaaparkk)
so today i learned that in the late 1800s-early 1900s, the navy became concerned about possible homosexual activity among their sailors
so they sent in decoys, whose job was to pretend to want to engage in homosexual activity in order to find gay sailors
except then the job of the decoy got popular
like, really popular
like… worryingly popular?
reports said that the decoys were performing their jobs with “much enthusiasm and zeal”
eventually the navy decided. to. just stop.
(Source: swanjolras, via sexymayor)
i think one day leonardo dicaprio should be the host that reads the nominees for best actor and when he opens the envelope to see who won it turns out his name is printed neatly in the center and he chokes up a little and his eyes water and his cohost takes the card and exclaims LEONARDO DICAPRIO!! and the audience cheers and leo cries and his supporting actors and actresses come up and hug him
i dont care if this goes against oscar tradition i just want leo to be happy
(via sexymayor)
